Expressing your true self

How to find the courage to put yourself out there

Metallica’s lead singer and guitarist James Hetfield was overcome with emotions when music icon, Elton John, paid him a surprise visit during an interview with Howard Stern. Elton referred to Hetfield's song, Nothing Else Matters, as one of the best songs ever written. These were the words that brought him to tears. It’s easy to see how such high praise from one of the greats would strike such a cord, but with Hetfield, it's deeper.

Hetfield confessed he didn’t want to present it to the band because it was too much of a love song. He was ashamed of it and embarrassed to show this kind of emotion on a record. Hetfield opened up about having built a reputation of tough guy, made of stone, you can’t hurt us, and that this was one of the most vulnerable things for him. He shares, “The tougher the armor, the bigger the heart you want to show, but you’re afraid to.” He was shocked when his bandmates expressed how beautiful and amazing the song was, professing, “It was a life changing experience, to be ok playing this for them and them accepting it.”

Taking the risk

Hetfield reveals, “It was a song for myself in my room on tour when I was bumming out about being away from home. It’s quite amazing, it’s a true testament to honesty and exposing yourself, putting your real self out there, and taking the risk, taking a gamble that someone’s either going to step on your heart with spikes on or they’re going to put their heart right next to it, and you never know until you try. That solidified, I think, that we were doing the right thing, writing from the heart about what we felt, and you can’t go wrong that way.”

The song’s meaning, its origins, and Hetfield’s reaction to Elton’s admiring words, are all beautiful examples of finding the courage to put your true self out there. Hetfield took a huge risk by sharing his ballad, and in doing so, was gifted with a life changing experience. How can we learn from Hetfield’s example, to find the courage to put ourselves out there with our own ideas and creations?

Guided by what matters

Hetfield’s story brings to mind an inspiring quote from Lin-Manuel Miranda, the creator of Hamilton:

“You have to live with the notion of, if I don’t write this, no one’s going to write it. If I die, this idea dies with me.”

Miranda’s words focus solely on the importance of expression, ignoring any thoughts or concerns of being judged. They’ve helped me deal with my own insecurities with sharing my ideas with others, like the words you’re reading now. When I embrace Miranda's words, my attention shifts from being judged to recognizing what really matters to me—to openly express what I find meaningful, hoping it will be meaningful to others.

If you find it hard sharing your own ideas with others, try shifting your focus. Focus on what they mean to you, not on what others will think. How have your ideas impacted you and possibly others? Let your answer fuel your desire to share them more openly.

The Chuck Norris of the animal kingdom

In the animal kingdom, you’ll find role models that are fast, intelligent, and strong, but none more intriguing than the honey badger. Honey badgers have earned the reputation for not caring about anything—not bee stings, not jaguars, not even venomous snake bites. Because of their fearlessness, the term honey badger represents a person who shows indifference or disregard for others' opinions. Wouldn’t it be nice to not care what others think?

The next time you need a boost of confidence, try channeling the honey badger, and freely put yourself out there. You’ll find people who like what you do, but you’ll also find plenty who don’t. In the end, does it really matter? Ultimately, your opinion is the only one that should count.

Here’s another fun approach. When my daughter and I share something we’ve created, we often say, “I did it in like 15 minutes.” We stole the line from the movie, School of Rock, where Jack Black’s character says it when pressured by the students to play his new song. Before singing and acting out the stage production, he pleads, “Thing is, I just want you to keep in mind I wrote it in like 15 minutes and, uh, it’s not done yet…,” before Freddie shouts, “Just play the damn song!”

This is sort of our code for, “I’m a little nervous to share this, go easy on me.” Clearly the 15 minutes is an excuse for being less than perfect, but I’m not suggesting you make excuses. It’s just a playful reminder of who I’m sharing with—someone I know won’t be overly critical. Establishing this kind of lite and humorous code with someone you trust, may make it easier to share, and it might carry over to others.

When you're struggling with sharing something meaningful to you, try these simple tips. Then, find inspiration in Miranda's words and in that moment that changed Hetfield's life.

I agree with Elton John. Nothing Else Matters is one of the best songs ever written. To Hetfield, it’s one of the most meaningful things he ever created. Its depth and beauty moved artists like Miley Cyrus and Elton John, Shakira, Phoebe Bridgers, Darius Rucker, and Lucie Silva, to cover it, imparting their own personal meaning of the song. Lucky for us, Hetfield took the risk and chose to share it with all of us.